Lisa's Obnoxious and Bitchy Guide to Life Part I 藍血兒的三八生存指南Part I

1. DO NOT PANIC. Oh wait, that’s the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Okay, CHILL. It’s just life, no big deal, right?

2. Always wear cute shoes – things tend to work out better when you’re sporting nice shoes.

3. Believe in what you have to say, even when you know it’s total bullshit. Especially when you know it’s bullshit. When you strongly believe in something and reiterate it several times, it becomes the truth. (This works great during essay exams, but does not work in math.)

4. Avoid standing in proximity to a group of Cantonese people on crowded public transportation at all cost. They will stare at your boobs and ass and laugh in your face.

5. Learn to speak proper English. It's "third," NOT "dird".

6. Or, if you can’t, just forget about it and learn Chinese. It’s going to be the next lingua franca (maybe).

7. The world is sinking – Bangkok won’t be here in the next __ years. Learn how to swim.

8. Love yourself. There isn’t anyone as important as you (not even your cute girlfriend with her nice ass).

9. Don’t die for anyone. Seriously. They aren’t going to like having a burden THAT massive for hanging over their heads for the rest of their lives.

10. Winning jackpot at the lottery is much more practical (and useful) than earning a bachelor's degree in business...